“Ouch Charlie, that really hurt!”
The 2007 viral “Charlie Bit My Finger” video seemed to reach every corner of the internet after it was first uploaded – becoming a meme, merch and, eventually, an NFT worth sold for over $760,000.
But toddlers biting their brothers, mothers, fathers and pretty much whatever else they can get their hands on is more than just a viral YouTube video. The biting phase can be a frustrating and confusing time for parents.
Got a biting toddler on your hands? Here’s what to do, according to an expert.
Why do toddlers bite?
Biting is typical behavior in toddlers, says Dr. Aliza Pressman, a developmental psychologist and the co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center.
Because toddlers lack the language skills to clearly communicate their feelings, they may bite to express frustration, overstimulation or excitement. It can be because they don’t know how else to let you know they have an unmet need, or because they’re letting out “nervous energy” in the only way they know how.
“They need the support of adults in their lives to help figure out what they can do instead when they’re feeling those impulses,” Pressman told USA TODAY. “And they need support stopping their bodies from hurting another person or even biting themselves.”
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How to stop a toddler from biting
Pressman recommends a three-pronged approach for dealing with a biting toddler:
- Separate your bodies
- Take a breath
- Find a substitute
First, you’ll want to make sure everyone is safe. Biting can be painful, so you’ll want to physically separate your body from your toddler’s so they can’t bite you again. The same goes for a toddler biting their sibling or a playmate.
Second, take a deep breath and try to regulate your own nervous system.
“You don’t want to meet them where their nervous system is, you want to help them downregulate,” Pressman says. “Or co-regulate, meaning they can borrow your capacity to be calm.”
Third, give them something else to bite instead of you or themselves. This could be teething toys or other objects to chew on, like a cold apple, Mount Sinai recommends.
“They need something to do, not just something not to do,” Pressman says. “So if you just say ‘You can’t hit,’ or ‘You can’t bite’ but you don’t give them something else to do instead, then they are stuck trying to figure it out for themselves and they just don’t have the capacity right now.”
Lastly, you’ll want to be quick and clear with your directions. Avoid lecturing your child, which can turn a bite into a tantrum. Make it clear to your toddler that biting hurts other people, and to keep their mouths to themselves, but don’t linger on. The time for a conversation is later when you’re both calmer.
And though it may seem obvious, you definitely don’t want to bite them back to show how much it hurts.
“We know that hitting, biting and having that modeled for (them) is obviously going to increase the likelihood that they’re going to use aggressive behavior,” Pressman says.
Is it normal for toddlers to bite?
Don’t worry parents – biting can be expected from toddlers, or any child between 1-3 years old.
“It’s a challenging but adorable time,” Pressman says. “With support and scaffolding, these ‘aggressive behaviors’ are going to resolve.”
Preschool-aged children may also bite, but less frequently. Parents shouldn’t worry if their preschooler bites, Pressman says, but you’ll want to discuss it with your child’s healthcare provider if the behavior repeats for weeks at a time.
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