You’ve likely heard of dating red flags. And you’ve probably also heard of, or can guess, what green flags are: clear-cut traits or actions of the person you’re dating that help you decide if they are the right match for you. But what about beige flags?
The latest trendy relationship term is one that recently took off on TikTok, but the original meaning of beige flags is actually different from what’s currently going viral. Here’s what you need to know about the evolution of the beige flag trend and how the varying definitions can help your love life, whether you’re single or in a long-term relationship.
What is a beige flag in dating?
When 29-year-old Caitlin MacPhail first introduced the term “beige flag” on TikTok more than a year ago, it was meant to help single people identify signs on dating apps that “someone might be really boring.” She noticed while swiping that there were patterns of the same kinds of photos and responses to prompts that “made the whole experience feel like a waste of time.”
“Beige flags to me has always been something on a person’s online persona − usually a dating app profile − that indicates they either haven’t made the effort, or have not communicated their actual personality and interests,” she tells USA TODAY. “You get to the end of their profile and know nothing about this person beyond very surface level stuff, which just isn’t enough to get a proper vibe check from.”
The term has taken off again on the app as of late, with TikTok users sharing videos of themselves staring into the camera as jazz music plays in the background and text detailing their significant other’s “beige flag” fills the screen. Now, it’s “less about the process of finding a partner and more about… little quirks of a partner you know everything about, rather than an actual flag,” MacPhail says.
What are examples of beige flags?
People in relationships are sharing observations on TikTok about their partners’ quirks, such as “my boyfriend’s beige flag is that he thinks he’s a Waze influencer” or “my (girlfriend’s) beige flag is that she doesn’t know her lefts and rights… she has to take 5 and make an L shape with her hands to figure it out.”
For those not in a relationship currently, consider MacPhail’s original definition: A beige flag might be sharing on a dating app that you like “The Office” − “who doesn’t?” she says − that your favorite food is tacos, or that pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza. Not only are these common traits things that don’t help you stand out against the pool of other app users, but having similar interests actually isn’t the best indicator that a relationship will be successful.
“Pickleball is huge right now, but let’s say you and your date go play pickleball and the whole time, your date is criticizing you,” says marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala. “How is your mutual interest and love of pickleball going to keep that relationship together when one partner is critical? … How two people communicate with each other, especially around their differences, is way more important than having a similar taste.”
How identifying red, green and beige flags can improve your love life
Yes, it’s a silly TikTok trend. But the idea of being able to identify what constitutes a deal breaker, positive trait or observation that falls somewhere in between is a helpful exercise, Chlipala says.
MacPhail says she’s gotten feedback that the concept of beige flags, no matter your definition, has helped her followers find more suitable matches.
Chlipala urges her clients to consider if they could accept a partner’s certain trait or quirk for the rest of their life.
“The whole point of dating is that you don’t know (if it’s going to work out) and you keep dating that person until you do,” she adds. “Will these beige flags turn into a red flag, or does it just stay a beige flag, where it’s like, ‘OK, that’s just who they are, and can I live with this or not?’ “
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