Perfectly coiffed hair. A pinup dress. A gorgeous home-cooked meal on a decadent dining room table.
These images convey that of a “traditional wife,” a woman you might picture as being from the 1950s.
But these women – known as “trad wives,” typically Christian conservatives – are here today, and gaining attention on TikTok to the tune of nearly 187 million views. Many of their followers celebrate the lifestyle these women are aiming to showcase, but others worry they are idealizing a time when women enjoyed less autonomy and fewer rights than they have now − especially as we head into a heated election season.
What does it mean to be a trad wife?
Not all trad wives are alike, according to Estee Williams, a trad wife influencer on TikTok. In her eyes, trad wives are homemakers whose priority is cooking, cleaning and being subservient to men. But such submission isn’t “degrading,” she says. It’s her choice.
“It doesn’t mean you’re below the man because if you think about it, it’s a compliment,” Williams says. “The man, he needs that woman to be beside him, to motivate him, be there for him.”
So what does Williams’ marriage look like? Her husband, an electrician, must approve major purchases she makes. But it’s not like she needs to check in with him for a pack of gum or coffee. They have a budget and try to stay within it.
‘Trad wife’ life called to her
Williams, 25, grew up in a traditional, conservative household. But when her parents got divorced, it turned her world upside-down.
“At that point, as I started growing up, I was pushed into college so that way I could depend on myself,” she says. “That’s what I was told, because my mom had to really pick up the pieces after her divorce and she never wanted to see me go through that.”
That plan didn’t last; the “trad wife” life called to her. She found her husband in 2020, dropped out of college and here we are. She sees them as equals with different roles.
‘It’s a false nostalgia’
Journalist and author Jo Piazza believes there are aspects of the trad wife aesthetic that can be harmful to young, impressionable girls. The purported ’50s sitcom lifestyle was just that: a television ideal more than a real-life one.
“It’s a false nostalgia for a time that didn’t exist for the majority of the population, and for a time that was incredibly demeaning, condescending and difficult for women,” she says.
Piazza appreciates that women can make the choice to solely be caregivers and homemakers. Where it goes awry, she says, is that trad wives make it seem like their choice is superior. Williams, for her part, says she’s just living her life and not trying to change anyone else’s.
Piazza explains, “I do like the idea that we are elevating the kinds of work that women do in the home to something that we do want to see, to something that is aspirational. The dangers in that are when you say, ‘this is the only thing a woman should be doing, this is the only role that a woman should be playing.'”
And Piazza worries about the influence these women have, especially following the rollback of Roe V. Wade as as the election nears.
“If we cling to this false nostalgia where women had it incredibly hard, where women did not have agency or autonomy, we could roll back the laws that gave women that independence without even realizing what we’re doing,” Piazza adds.
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The ‘absolutely ridiculous’ idea that trad wives are all sinister
Williams wants to be clear that not all trad wives are far-right extremists. “There’s this idea that trad wives have a sinister intent of white supremacy, but there’s trad wives of every ethnicity and race online,” she says. “I find that absolutely ridiculous.”
Still, far-right politicians have embraced their lifestyle. Whether this group will influence an election is anyone’s guess.
Williams believes trad wives are part of “traditional” marriages between a man and a woman. “I’m not coming online shaming anybody for who they love or how they choose to live their life,” she says. “I just simply showcase mine. I don’t want to threaten anybody’s lifestyle, but I also am not going to diminish my own light because that might threaten somebody else’s lifestyle.”
Piazza fears young people will watch trad wives and think people will fall prey to an unrealistic ideal of simplicity. “They make it seem easy, they make it seem beautiful and every mother in the world knows that is not the reality,” she says.
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