Dear Republicans:
News broke that former President Donald Trump has been indicted on federal charges relating to classified documents found at his Mar-a-Lago sanctuary of tackiness. One charge is a violation of the Espionage Act.
So guess what you all started doing?
You started rallying around him. Again.
Republicans, why do you keep supporting him? These new indictments aren’t enough?
Around this guy. Donald freakin’ Trump. A guy who lost you the last presidential election and denied you your precious “red wave” in the last midterm election. A guy who was already indicted earlier this year in New York. THIS WASN’T EVEN HIS FIRST INDICTMENT OF 2023!
And what did you all do? You just ran out and started beating your chests and clutching your pearls and wailing to the heavens about the unfairness of it all.
Republican House Speaker Kevin McCarthy tweeted: “Today is indeed a dark day for the United States of America. It is unconscionable for a President to indict the leading candidate opposing him. Joe Biden kept classified documents for decades. I, and every American who believes in the rule of law, stand with President Trump against this grave injustice.”
Little Marco Rubio and Ron DeSanctimonious join the chorus of GOP voices supporting Trump
Republican Sen. Marco Rubio — who Trump routinely humiliated with the nickname “Little Marco” — tweeted his support for Trump: “There is no limit to what these people will do to protect their power & destroy those who threaten it, even if it means ripping our country apart & shredding public faith in the institutions that hold our republic together.”
Even Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, the GOP presidential primary candidate polling the highest behind Trump, wouldn’t take the easy layup and criticize his opponent, tweeting: “The weaponization of federal law enforcement represents a mortal threat to a free society. We have for years witnessed an uneven application of the law depending upon political affiliation. Why so zealous in pursuing Trump yet so passive about Hillary or Hunter?”
I’ll tell you what, my Republican friends, come a little closer. A little closer now.
WHAT IN THE NAME OF RONALD REAGAN’S GHOST IS WRONG WITH THE LOT OF YOU??!?!
Winners of Trump indictment:The former president and Joe Biden. DeSantis? Not so much.
Donald Trump is not the victim here, folks
Did anyone in your pack of irrational fopdoodles ever stop, even for a moment, to think about the fact that the guy who keeps getting indicted, the guy who a jury recently found liable for sexual abuse and defamation, the guy who lies as easily as he breathes, the guy whose company was found guilty of multiple charges of criminal tax fraud and falsifying business records, the guy who riled up an angry mob that attacked the U.S. Capitol, the guy whose own lawyer (Michael Cohen) went to prison, the guy whose campaign chair (Paul Manafort) and national security adviser (Mike Flynn) and chief strategist (Steve Bannon) AND campaign adviser (Roger Stone) were all convicted on felony charges, the guy whose company’s chief financial officer pleaded guilty to 15 felonies in a decade-long tax scheme…have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, this isn’t the best guy to pin your political party’s future hopes on?
Has it ever dawned on any of you that perhaps the guy who seems to constantly surround himself with criminals might not really be the victim in this story?
Trump’s own vice president, Mike Pence, said this week while launching his own presidential campaign that during the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol, Trump put himself over the Constitution and “should never be president of the United States again.” (Of course he later told Fox News he’ll support whoever wins the GOP presidential nomination.)
If Trump was any more of an albatross for Republicans he’d be whacking you all in the face with his wings and squawking for a bucket of fish.
Republicans have had chance after chance to rinse off the stain of Trump
These new indictments against Trump are, once again, a perfect opportunity for you to do away with this toxic tyrant. You could’ve done it when he was first impeached by the House of Representatives. You could’ve done it when he was impeached a second time by the House of Representatives. You could’ve done it when he continued to push the lie that the 2020 presidential election was stolen. And you could’ve done it when he was indicted on 34 counts of falsifying business records in Manhattan back in March.
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But each time, all you did was rally around him like cheerleaders with Stockholm syndrome, rooting for the losingest loser to ever lose.
He’s dragging you and your party down, he’s viciously attacking DeSantis — who many of you seem to think is the party’s savior — and you know full well he’s dangerous and damaged goods. And he’s not doing America any favors either.
So why not, for the good of the GOP and the good of the whole country, rid yourselves of Trump and nudge your party back toward some semblance of reality and normalcy?
Maybe it’s because you can’t stop yourselves. You’ve bought into his victimization narrative every bit as much as he has, and you’re hooked. It’s like being addicted to banging your heads against the wall — it ain’t doing you or anybody else a bit of good, and you REALLY need to find a way to stop.
Republicans need to shake out of their stupor and read the writing on the wall
Consider this before you utter your next “THIS IS A SICKENING WITCH HUNT!” or “WHAT ABOUT EQUAL JUSTICE?”: This foul-mouthed bully you’ve leashed yourselves to is standing in a crapnado of legal trouble already, and there are two other major investigations — one federal, regarding attempts to overturn he 2020 election, and one state, regarding election interference in Georgia — yet to play out.
Sometimes a bad dude is just a bad dude. You can hate Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton or whoever else you want to hate, but the reason other people aren’t in the position Trump’s in is not because of some conspiracy.
It’s because there isn’t enough evidence to put any of them in such a position. Period.
Wake up, Republicans. You’re supporting a man who wouldn’t pour his Diet Coke on you if you were on fire.
It’s time to wipe the zany from your eyes, pinch yourselves out of your cult-induced stupor, pull out your pocket knives and cut bait.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
