A man was left feeling guilty after he refused to give up his seat on a packed train to a “frazzled” mum and her two young children.
Demonstrating appropriate train etiquette can be a minefield. While most trains have ‘priority’ seats intended for pregnant, elderly or disabled people, one 28-year-old commuter found himself in hot water with a tired mother for occupying a solo seat by the door, which wasn’t actually a priority seat.
The man, who commutes home from work each day on a crowded train, described getting a seat as “a small miracle”.
After an “especially exhausting day”, he managed to secure a seat and “planned to zone out for the 40-minute ride home”. Sharing his story on Reddit’s AITA forum, he said: “A few stops later, a woman (mid-30s) got on with two small kids, maybe 4 and 6. She looked frazzled and was balancing bags while trying to keep the kids calm. The train was standing-room only.
“She glanced at me, clearly expecting me to offer my seat. I hesitated, but I was so drained I didn’t move. I wasn’t rude – I just looked out the window and avoided eye contact.”
A few minutes later, she “loudly” declared “some people have no manners these days”. Eventually, a man further down the carriage offered her his seat, and “she made a big show of thanking him while glaring at” the 28-year-old.
The man “felt awful” but also frustrated by the interaction. He continued: “I work long hours, and I rarely ask for anything. Is it wrong to prioritise my own exhaustion over someone else’s needs? I wasn’t in her shoes, but it’s not like I made her bring her kids on a packed train.
“My girlfriend thinks I should have given up my seat, saying, ‘it’s just basic decency.’ But my best friend says I wasn’t obligated and that being tired is a valid reason to stay seated.”
People shared their thoughts in the comments section. One said: “Would it have been kind to offer your seat? Sure, but the same goes for most every other seated passenger. Why single you out specifically? Regardless, it’s a kindness, not obligatory.
“If she’d been disabled or elderly, it’d be a different story, especially if that seat near the door happened to be one reserved for disabled/senior citizens, but a parent with kids doesn’t get priority here. I wouldn’t say you were the a**hole either way, but her singling you out with her passive aggressive nonsense definitely makes her one.”
Another surmised: “Far as I’m aware priority seats aren’t for women and kids so she’s no more right to a seat than you.”
Yet another was quick to express a different viewpoint, arguing: “A frazzled woman with two children in tow compared to a healthy young guy who worked hard but has no bags to balance, no children in tow? I agree with your girlfriend that it would have been the quality thing to do.”