How can queer influencers share their joy online while still protecting their peace?

Dylan Mulvaney documented nearly every day of her first year “being a girl” on TikTok, amassing more than 10 million followers. While many applauded the openness of sharing the joy around her transition online, fellow trans and queer stars and influencers worried about the potential for backlash.

“It’s insane that you’re documenting so much of your life,” actress Laverne Cox told the 26-year-old influencer at the Grammys in February. “Make sure you keep things for yourself. Everything cannot be for the public.”

Fast forward a few months, Mulvaney found herself at the center of a national controversy after right-wing pundits and lawmakers took issue with her signing an influencer brand deal with Bud Light. Amid droves of hateful comments online, Mulvaney took a step back from posting her day-to-day life.

Though the reach of Mulvaney’s story is unique, the experience of being driven away from social media due to anti-LGBTQ hate is one many social media users know well. Especially during a Pride Month that experts say has seen a rise in homophobic, transphobic hate speech and legislation, how can queer influencers find the line between sharing their joy for others to see and celebrate while also protecting their peace?

Pride Month 2023: The power of LGBTQ influencers sharing their lives

In the era of social media influencers sharing their day-to-day lives, queer internet stars can make “joy seem possible” to fellow LGBTQ viewers watching at home, says Farhad Divecha, founder and director of Out Loud, a U.K.-based marketing agency that helps brands engage with queer audiences.

For some TikTok users, watching Mulvaney or other influencers is their first time interacting with a trans person. Showing straight, cisgender people instances of queer people living authentically has power, experts say.

When Moe Ari Brown, a licensed marriage and family therapist, came out to his parents as transgender, his mother, a nurse and devout Christian, had a lot of questions. His happiness during that conversation had a vital impact on her.

“She kept asking me questions about top surgery, all the things, because she wanted to make sure I was going to be safe and was really concerned about how I was treated,” Brown says. “But the question that changed everything for her in that moment was when she asked ‘what if you grow facial hair?’ And I don’t think I said anything. I just smiled. I was so overcome with joy.“

Brown adds: “So often, we’re talking about queer stories from a struggle perspective or an isolation perspective or from the perspective of people being anti-LGBTQ+. Joy in this moment feels like the antidote.”

Bud Light, anti-trans legislation and the impact of online hate

An antidote is deeply needed among the LGBTQ community right now, experts say.

2023 marked the second consecutive year of increasing the number of states that grew more hostile to the LGBTQ+ community, according to the 2023 Out Leadership State LGBTQ+ Business Climate Index. More than 500 anti-queer pieces of legislation were introduced nationwide, threatening gender-affirming care, protections for trans people and discussions of sexual orientation and gender identity.

“For people who identify as queer but are not able to live openly, that significantly impacts their ability to feel like they belong,” Brown says, which in turn can have a massive effect on one’s mental health. Studies have shown that anti-LGBTQ rhetoric is a major contributing factor to higher rates of suicide risk among queer youth.

Experts want to dispel the idea that hate “comes with the territory” of being an online figure and that those who choose a life in the public eye just need to learn to deal with it.

“Not only does this affect the individual at the receiving end of this hate, but it also affects their followers who read those comments and feel like it’s an attack on them too,” Divecha says.

Coping with anti-LGBTQ hate online

Whether you have 10 million followers or 100, these tips can help you take care of yourself while online.

Don’t engage with trolls directly. “They live for conflict, and get a kick out of knowing they’ve upset you,” says Divecha.
Build an offline support system. Be it a therapist, partner, friend or family member, having a person or group of people to turn to − or delete hateful comments from your account − is helpful, Brown says.
Watch what you post. Divecha urges social media users to review content before posting to make sure any personal information, such as their home address or favorite spots to eat or shop, are not visible.
Set boundaries. Decide what you’re comfortable sharing, Brown recommends: “We want to be authentic and honor the people who follow us, but it’s OK if you have to keep something to yourself.”