As a proud supporter of former President Donald Trump (INNOCENT!), I am outraged by a Georgia grand jury’s indictment alleging he was operating a “criminal enterprise” that tried to overturn the state’s presidential election.
HOGWASH! Anyone who believes all this so-called evidence or a “sprawling, 98-page indictment carefully delineating allegations of criminal acts” needs to learn a thing or two about what we MAGA loyalists call “smoke and fire.”
Donald Trump’s latest indictment is for sure nothing to worry about
Consider the federal criminal investigation into President Joe Biden’s son, Hunter Biden. The younger Biden is facing two tax-related charges and a felony gun charge as well as an investigation of his business dealings by Republicans in Congress.
That’s what we call smoke. And because of that smoke, we right-thinking MAGA Republicans are sure there’s fire burning up the pant leg of President Biden. Have we seen one iota of hard evidence linking Hunter Biden’s alleged crimes to the president? Do we have indictments from grand juries or specific charges or court dates? Of course not. Those are the kind of things weirdo liberals obsess over.
We have all we need: smoke and the presumption of fire. It worked with Hillary Clinton, which is why she’s now locked up, just as we promised.
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Republicans know that where there’s smoke, there’s fire, as long as that smoke surrounds a Democrat
Last month, Rep. Tim Burchett of Tennessee, a Republican member of the House Oversight and Accountability Committee, correctly pointed out on Fox News that Joe Biden is a criminal: “This family has been linked to too many deals. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. And there’s a lot of smoke.”
The Republican National Committee linked the president to his son’s alleged crime on its website last Wednesday, writing confidently: “But where there’s smoke, there’s fire – and Biden’s house of cards is collapsing.”
Republican Oversight Committee member Rep. Scott Perry of Pennsylvania took the words right out of my mouth last month, telling Fox News: “President Biden is engulfed in a lot of smoke and where there’s smoke, there’s fire and it appears he has lit himself ablaze in an inferno of lies and testimony that points to corruption at the very, very highest level.”
You libs probably didn’t know smoke could point. That’s just science, dummies.
‘A burning inferno,’ as long as you don’t require evidence
House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer, a Kentucky Republican, told Fox News’ Sean Hannity last month that he, like all us MAGA hat wearers, is pretty darn sure President Biden is guilty of bribery relating to Hunter Biden’s business deals: “I do believe that there’s a lot of smoke. And where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”
Republican commentator Meghan McCain wrote of the Bidens in the Daily Mail: “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and this is a burning inferno.”
And Republican Rep. Virginia Foxx of North Carolina said of the Biden family, all the way back in March, “We think where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”
So it’s simple, folks: Smoke, then fire. You don’t need evidence. Just your eyes.
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If smoke around Biden means fire, what about the smoke around Trump?
Now I can already hear the left-wing squealers squealing: “But if you believe that where there’s smoke, there’s fire, how come you treat the indictments of former President Trump, including Monday night’s indictment on racketeering charges in Georgia, like they’re nothing-burgers? Seems like he’s a veritable conflagration.”
That’s just like a liberal Marxist to think MY patriotic thinking requires logical consistency while also tossing around fancy words like “conflagration.”
When it comes to Trump, it’s not suspicious smoke – it’s just a pleasant fog
Have four separate grand juries in four separate locales examined evidence put together by state and federal prosecutors and made the determination that charges against the former president are warranted?
Yes.
Have those charges included willful retention of national defense information, falsifying business records, conspiracy to defraud the U.S. government and, as of Monday night, 13 felony charges relating to a criminal conspiracy aimed at overturning a state’s presidential election results?
Also yes.
But there’s a key difference. All that legal mumbo-jumbo doesn’t count as smoke. It’s fog.
As New York Rep. Elise Stefanik, the Republican Conference chair, put it after the charges were filed: “This is another rogue Far Left radical District Attorney weaponizing their office to target Joe Biden’s top political opponent President Trump.”
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Why do Democrats want to deny Americans the chance to see how great Trump is?
All these “charges” and all the “testimony” and “evidence to convince a grand jury that charges are warranted” is fog meant to obscure the average American voter’s view of Donald Trump’s greatness and complete innocence.
And where there’s fog, there’s definitely not fire. There’s just more fog, probably. Or maybe a fog machine. I don’t know.
What I do know is President Joe Biden, who has been indicted an overwhelming none times, is INFINITELY more corrupt than Trump, who has been indicted a mere four times.
And I’ll be proven right as soon as my amazing MAGA-loving lawmakers present the bombshell evidence against Biden that they keep promising. That, at last, will show the blazing fire behind the smoke.
Until then I’ll just sit here in my fog.
Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk
