Let’s cut to the sizzlin’ chase here: Florida can crank out a wickedly muggy, buggy scorcher of a summer day.
But like countless other fans of the Mouse & Co, you’re Walt Disney World-bound this time of year.
And it’s hot. So hot, that Mickey-shaped ice cream bar will be dripping down your arm faster than you can gnaw its ears off. We’re talking Wicked-Witch-of-the-West-shouting-“I’m-melting!” triple-digit-heat-index hot.
Sure, you’ll lose some of that sweaty glow on one of the coasters at Magic Kingdom, EPCOT, Hollywood Studios or Animal Kingdom. And staying hydrated, wearing a head covering and sunscreen (and cold treats) are givens.
But if you’re in the mood for more than a couple of minutes of blessed blasts of A/C, here are just a few of the best cooling-down spots (besides some terrifically cold restrooms!) at each of the four parks.
Magic Kingdom
The Hall of Presidents: One of the most popular so-not-hot spots in all of WDW. In the rotunda, filled with POTUS paintings and memorabilia, you’ll likely hear at least one person saying they always stop here to beat the heat. Once you’re inside the spacious auditorium, the air is just right and the presidential parade is punctuated by a quick American history rundown. Around 25 minutes from start to finish, you’ll definitely leave this show a lot less sweaty (and it’s a nice off-your-feet treat, too).
Country Bears Jamboree: Sweet, sweet air; singing animatronic bears – and most often, this 16-minute “hillbilly hootenanny” in Grizzly Hall is not crowded. It is, as a song from “Oklahoma!” proclaims, as corny as Kansas in August, but totally worth the stop.
Carousel of Progress: Along with the chance to chill, there’s a great big beautiful tomorrow earworm waiting for you. Enjoy about 20 minutes of more than a century of progress with animatronic host John (voiced by the late Jean Shepard) and his family. And don’t be jealous of John’s Niagara Falls fan: You won’t need it in here.
Ye Olde Christmas Shoppe: Even with open doors, it’s nice and breezy, with a year-round holiday spirit and cold drinks. Stockings. Ornaments that can be personalized, and Christmas trees just seem to bring the temps down. Plus, if you’re wondering how many Shoppe-ing days it is until Ye Olde Big Day, look for the door with a countdown calendar.
Big blast of cool: At Haunted Mansion. Just as your Doom Buggy heads into the hallway where someone’s forever trying to get out of that wooden coffin, there’s a breeze that’s … to die for.
Dinsey Holidays:Select tickets for Disney Jollywood Nights go on sale today. Here’s how to get them.
It’s Tough to be a Bug: Located at the base of the Tree of Life, there’s the air of life in this 3D film complete with audio-animatronic action based on “A Bug’s Life.” So comfortable in here, complete with knock-your-cap-off gusts when you get “sprayed” with bug spray and splashes of acid from a termite (OK, it’s water, but go with it). Plus, where else can you enjoy feeling fake maggots, beetles and cockroaches scurrying beneath your seat?
Dinosaur: Whooshes of Cretaceous chill throughout this dark ride, where you’ll be chasing dinosaurs – and hang on to your hat and other belongings here, too. Because there’s enough motion and air movement to send them sailing.
Kali River Rapids: This river-raft retreat from the heat is hard to pass up. Grab a poncho and go. And even if you don’t have a poncho, and you get soaked on the slope, it’s Florida. Give it 10 minutes. You’ll be ready to get soaked again.
Festival of the Lion King: A royal respite: Forty minutes of colorful song, dance, puppetry and pageantry at Harambe Theatre celebrate the beloved story and music of “The Lion King.” This one gets a crowd, yet you won’t feel the heat.
Big blasts of cool: Entering the Na’vi River Journey. The “oohs” and “aahs” and exclamations of “Let’s just stand here” are many and audible.
The Seas aquarium: So you want to take 20, 30 minutes to cool it? You could spend that much time mesmerized by the manatees alone at The Seas with Nemo & Friends Pavilion. If you’ve never wandered throughout the entire pavilion, the 5.7-million-gallon saltwater aquarium is home to more than 2,000 sea creatures, from sharks to stingrays to gorgeous fish of all kinds. And if you’re scuba-certified, look into the paid DiveQuest adventures, where you’ll swim with those creatures and see humans waving from the other side of dozens of glass windows.
Awesome Planet: It’s comfy in here, with wind, scents and water effects. But it’s cool in another important way, too. Ty Burrell of “Modern Family” fame narrates this powerful 10-minute documentary that’s in partnership with the Disney Conservation Fund. An uncrowded spot to shake the swelter, and come away wanting to save the planet.
American Adventure Pavilion: Rounding the back of Epcot’s World Showcase is a perfect getaway from the blazing heat. Sit on the marble tile floors under the rotunda in the American Adventure Pavilion. Enjoy the Voices of Liberty while the well-conditioned air blows across you. But be careful when you stand up. Should you leave a pool of sweat on the floor, the tile will become slippery when wet (though no one will really judge you for it).
Mexico Pavilion: It’s dark in here. And it’s cool. And there’s food and drink and shopping, and the ducky Gran Fiesta Tour Starring The Three Caballeros boat ride. And It’s 95 degrees out there. Bingo. Heatwave solved.
Big blasts of cool: The queue at Soarin’. In the hallway, just before you make the turn to arrive at your gate, watch other parkgoers relishing the most fan-tastic spots to stand under.
For the First Time in Forever: A Frozen Sing-Along Celebration: It couldn’t have this name and not be nigh onto nippy in here, right? It lives up to its moniker. Let it go. Sing along to the tales of Arendelle. And in this case, the snow really does go on.
Muppet Vision 3D: One of those underrated spots without long lines, but with great A/C, Muppets and bubbles. Lots of bubbles. Unlike the wisecracking Statler and Waldorf up in the balcony, you’re not bolted to your seat – but you’ll be so relaxed, you might want to be.
Mickey & Minnie’s Runaway Railway: A windy winner. There’s even a twister. Hang onto your ears here. Seriously. They’ve been known to fly away.
Walt Disney Presents: Especially if you’re a Disney diehard, you’ll forget the heat that drove you inside this theater and museum. So much memorabilia from the past 100 years for fans of the legendary Mouse, from sketches to costumes to toys and more. And to cap off the cool, settle in for a 15-minute documentary titled “Walt Disney: One Man’s Dream.”
Big blasts of cool: When you hit the entrance of “Star Tours.” The breeze will take you to a place far, far away from the center of the sun known as Florida.
Britt Kennerly is an education/breaking news editor at FLORIDA TODAY. Contact Kennerly at 321-917-4744 or bkennerly@floridatoday.com. Twitter: @bybrittkennerly Facebook: /bybrittkennerly.
