Scottish officials have well and truly put the cat amongst the pigeons by flirting with a potential ban on our feline friends. In a bid to protect endangered wildlife, our pals north of the border have been considering restrictions on pet cats in certain areas.
A “cat containment” policy, proposed by the Scottish Animal Welfare Commission – or the Tabbyban, as I like to call them – would require owners to keep cats cooped up indoors, or even prohibit them entirely in new rural housing estates.
The report also explored other measures, such as a cat curfew at night, restricting outdoor access to an enclosed pen, or requiring owners to walk their moggies on a harness and lead. (Good luck with that one. Just make sure you’ve had a tetanus booster.)
Holyrood initially said that it would “fully consider the recommendations” in the report, which was compiled by a group of independent experts. However, it quickly back-pedalled after an outcry, insisting that “we will, under no circumstances, be banning cats”.
But why on earth were they considering a policy on herding cats in the first place? Something in the Irn-Bru maybe. Should we expect a public consultation on the extraction of blood from a stone next?
Onshore wind turbines are as much of a threat to birds as cats are. But there wasn’t much hand-wringing over the bird population when they felled millions of trees to make way for them.
Besides, not all cats are the vicious apex predators they are made out to be.
Take my cat Maggie as an example – a lazy, greedy, pampered fleabag. I love her dearly but she is an utterly useless mouser and the idea that she could take down a hen harrier is frankly hilarious.
Should the Scottish authorities wish to pursue the policy once the controversy dies down, I have a top tip for “cat containment” so simple they’ll kick themselves. Two words: Shoe. Box.
There is no cat that can resist the urge to immediately jump in. Problem solved.
