Forget trendy names like Noah, Theo or Ava – the real crimewave in Britain is being orchestrated by Michaels, Davids and Johns. Figures reveal the most common first names among inmates in England and Wales’s prisons are overwhelmingly old-school, with Michael topping the list for male lags and Sarah leading the way for women.
Ministry of Justice statistics show that 1,798 prisoners were named Michael, followed closely by 1,790 Davids and 1,720 Daniels. James, John, Paul and Mark also make it into the top 10 – a roll call that could have been plucked straight out of a 1980s classroom register.
For women, Sarah leads with 64 inmates, ahead of Emma, Rebecca and Lisa – again names that soared in popularity in the late 1970s and 1980s but are now in steep decline.
Experts say the trend reflects the age profile of the prison population. With the average age of male inmates at 38, today’s jails are packed with men born in the 70s and 80s – when traditional Biblical or classic names were at their peak.
Kevin Moore, retired head of Sussex Police CID, said: “When you look at the prison lists, you’re seeing the legacy of past baby-naming fashions. The names are all the ones I would come across although in their abbreviated form in that I was arresting people called Micky, Dave and Jimmy.”
By contrast, the most popular baby names of today – such as Noah, Theo, Leo, Olivia, Ava and Isla – are nowhere to be seen in the jail roll call. That means that for now, new mums and dads can breathe easy; they don’t appear in the “crime charts”.
Real-life jailbird Michaels and Sarahs include Michael Boateng, 34, once a professional footballer with Bristol Rovers, who was jailed for 14 years in August after being caught with £2million worth of crystal meth.
And Sarah Panitzke, 51, once described as the UK’s most-wanted woman, was sent to prison for eight years in 2022 for her part in a £1billion tax fraud. She was then handed an additional nine-year sentence in 2023 for failing to pay back a £2.4 million confiscation order.