One week ago, “Project Hail Mary” gave us a reason to hope.
Taking a strong $80.5 million, Amazon’s wildly entertaining science-fiction film starring Ryan Gosling enjoyed the biggest non-sequel opening weekend since “Oppenheimer” way back in summer 2023.
Rejoice! Here’s monetary proof that audiences are craving new stories and smart writing — not just more lazy franchise regurgitation.
See? People respond better to real, tactile sets and creatures instead of Chris Pratt yukking it up in front of a green screen.
More than anything, ticket buyers want blockbusters with soul instead of thinly veiled corporate attempts at appeasing shareholders. (“Don’t worry, guys! ‘Toy Story 12’ is on the way!”).
For movie lovers, “Project Hail Mary”’s unexpected triumph brought about that rarest of feelings: optimism.
But by Monday, Hollywood said, “Show’s over! Back to the crap!”
The past seven days have been a showbiz desperate-a-thon — from the release of hideous, nostalgia-bait film trailers trying to lull sad millennials back into the womb to the announcement that a long-suffering fantasy franchise will be propped up by a fired late-night host.
One of these creativity-free projects might mindbogglingly last until the year 2041.
That’s “Harry Potter,” Warner Bros. and HBO’s wholly unnecessary, seven-season TV series that begins this Christmas.
HBO honcho Casey Bloys says it’s unlikely each group of episodes will come out on an annual basis. So, when this throwback to my youth ends, I could be 51.
The bleak and depressing trailer for the first season, based off of the book “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” was revealed Thursday to hilarious scorn and mockery.
“The budget didn’t allow for colors?,” wrote one X user who’s gunning for my job. Many others compared the sullen appearance, which is a cheaper, slightly off version of the films’ aesthetic, to AI. The takeaway is: Seek magic elsewhere.
Those movies, by the way, are still massively popular on HBO Max. The first one was viewed 40 million times on the streaming service in 2024, reaching about 20% of subscribers. The big-screen series isn’t seen as quaint or dated. So, why remake it?
Despondency and need. The “Game of Thrones” spin-off “House of the Dragon” has only two more seasons left and hungry, hungry HBO is on the hunt for its next sure thing. Preferably a well-established thing with reams of consumer data that shows depressed millennials will watch it over and over again while scarfing down pints of Ben & Jerry’s.
It’s as if someone put up a sign at HBO with the phrase “No risk, no reward” and crossed out the second half.
And the very same amended poster is on the walls over at Disney, which dropped its “Moana” remake trailer on Monday.
Fans derided this one online because Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, reprising his role as the Hawaiian demigod Maui, was given a curly wig that makes him look like a brunette Bette Midler in “Beaches.”
They’re right. But this whole rotten enterprise hasn’t gotten any wind beneath its wings.
I hate Diz’s live-action copies. Not a single one has been as half good as the original cartoon. But at least when the trend started with “Beauty and the Beast” and “The Lion King” there was a novelty and sense of occasion.
Now their purpose as an easy company cash grab is dispiritingly obvious.
And they’ve just about run out of inventory. We’re down to the B-titles like last year’s “Lilo & Stitch.” “Moana” is only ten years old and Disney is already duplicating it to pay the bills. Pretty soon they’ll be remaking the remakes.
Strangest and most brow-raising of all last week was Wednesday’s announcement that a new “Lord of the Rings” film will be written by… Stephen Colbert?
Yes, the CBS “Late Show” host who will be out of a job in in May is penning the screenplay of another Middle Earth movie for Warner Bros. with his son. He’s apparently a big J.R.R. Tolkien fan, which tracks.
The world is in denial about this franchise. Say it with me: The last good “Lord of the Rings” anything came out 23 years ago!
The “Hobbit” trilogy was dreadful. I try giving those movies another go every few years only to wind up having the best night’s sleep of my life.
Amazon’s “Rings of Power” streaming series that they dropped a cool billion on is notoriously wretched.
The animated movie “The War of the Rohirrim” holds a 49% on RottenTomatoes and grossed an embarrassing $20 million worldwide.
And Andy Serkis will soon direct and star in “The Lord of the Rings: The Hunt for Gollum.” In it, apparently Aragorn, well, hunts for Gollum. Not exactly an epic battle between the forces of good and evil, that.
They keep going back to a well that’s drier than Death Valley.
And now this limping, exhausted IP will be rescued by Stephen Colbert? Please.
What a week. Hollywood needs to say ten “Hail Mary”s.