‘Go and find someone else’ ITV newsreader’s hearbtreaking words to rugby star husband

For ITV newsreader Andrea Byrne, life’s milestones have arrived a bit later than for others. It wasn’t by design, but simply how her journey unfolded.

After travelling and earning a postgraduate degree, she embarked on her career later in life. Her whirlwind romance with international rugby player Lee Byrne led to a swift marriage in her early 30s, after years of establishing a successful career which has seen her become a well-known face presenting the ITV news.

From the moment they met, it was clear they were right for each other and eager to start a family. However, their path to parenthood proved more challenging than anticipated.

The couple spent nearly half a decade trying to conceive, unaware of the emotional rollercoaster that lay ahead. Andrea chronicles their struggle with infertility in her new book, Desperate Rants and Magic Pants: Our Fertility Story.

The book offers a raw insight into the trials faced by couples struggling with infertility, from resorting to acupuncture and even wearing orange underwear, to navigating the myriad medical procedures and medications available, reports Wales Online.

It’s a heart-wrenchingly honest narrative that touches on the awkwardness of handling queries from peers and loved ones about “when are you going to have children”, at the same time shedding light for those unacquainted with fertility treatments. Andrea candidly points out early in her book that it wasn’t her career that delayed her path to motherhood; life simply unfolded that way.

When asked about if she felt women were cornered into blaming a successful career as a contributor to infertility issues, Andrea told WalesOnline: “It’s just generally very hard for women because why shouldn’t you be able to have it all? Have a career and a family? And the way it works now, to sort of climb the ladder in our profession, inevitably, if you’re going to do that first, you’re going to come to think of a family later. And lots of people are meeting later, and lots of men want those careers too.

“But I think because it feels like the clock is ticking more for women biologically, you do inevitably feel that pressure, you feel so guilty anyway on a fertility journey about whether you can give your partner, especially if it is an issue with yourself, you don’t need the added pressure of the whys and wherefores and the clock ticking.

“How do I know that could have been exactly the same situation had I tried in my 20s? I didn’t know that problem wasn’t necessarily to do with my biological clock, the issue I had. So I think people should just take that pressure away from themselves because you can’t force yourself to settle down with someone at the wrong time with the wrong person when it’s not the right thing. You’ve got to go with what life throws at you, life never goes perfect.”

Throughout their struggles with conception and infertility, Andrea grappled with intense guilt over her inability to conceive. She often felt so hopeless that she would tell Lee to “go and find somebody else, somebody else could do this more easily, just go and find another woman” yet he always insisted they were in it together.

“It seemed to me that everybody around me was pregnant, everyone was doing this so easily, why was it that I was finding it so hard? ” she said.

Delving into her book, Andrea reveals the heart of their infertility issues was an issue with the lining of the womb. Her body simply wasn’t creating a thick enough lining for embryos to implant.

Despite numerous IVF attempts, medical professionals frequently decided against transferring embryos due to this issue. Andrea went through many medications trying to thicken the lining, but success eluded them and IVF never culminated in pregnancy.

Andrea opened up about the sheer desperation she felt while struggling with fertility issues, and how she sought a sense of control through various methods. She turned to acupuncture, Chinese medicine, yoga, hypnotherapy, and even consulted doctors globally.

“It helped me feel like I was a bit more in control of the situation,” Andrea said. “But I think there is a point where you kind of have to have an acceptance and maybe step back a bit. I think you can go down that rabbit hole and get sucked in and you can’t see the wood for the trees of what actually is helping and what’s not helping. It is very hard not to get pulled into all of those things when it is something you want so, so badly.”

After enduring several unsuccessful IVF attempts, Andrea began a new medication as part of a clinical trial suggested by her consultant. While the trial’s results are still unpublished and she cannot be certain, Andrea credits this treatment with the natural conception of her “miracle” daughter, Jemima, now six.

“It was amazing, we were told by several different consultants across the world because we got lots of second opinions, that we would need to go down the surrogacy route as there was such a tiny, tiny chance of those embryos ever implanting. So it is pretty amazing.”

However, Andrea recounted the continued struggle with anxiety following her positive pregnancy test due to past experiences with loss: “You get that positive test result but then you are worried about what could happen, especially in the early days, we had lost a number of pregnancies by that point.”

Reflecting on earlier losses, Andrea shared how these events compounded their concerns: “We had a miscarriage not long before that, so that was obviously hard because your mind jumps to immediately, is this going to end the same way? And we had just had what they call a chemical pregnancy, which is a horrible term. We had a lot of losses at that moment, I was very anxious. I remember just trying to savour it all, I remember feeling her kicking, I knew, chances are I would never get that feeling again.”

After the birth of their child, Jemima, Andrea and Lee faced further heartache during another IVF attempt that resulted in pregnancy loss. Andrea found solace in sharing these deeply personal struggles in her book, which also helped her process the private pain they endured throughout their journey.

The couple had decided to start trying for a baby immediately after their wedding. However, Lee had recently started playing club rugby in France, which meant Andrea was attempting to coordinate her visits with her ovulation cycle.

Eventually, she chose to take a sabbatical and join him in France. While everyone thought she was enjoying her time abroad and taking a break from work, the truth was they were embarking on what would become years of medical appointments and procedures.

Over the years, there were instances where the couple were secretly rushing around trying to attend all their appointments, obtain medication like viagra (which was theorised to thicken Andrea’s womb lining), and administer hormone injections into her bottom, sometimes just before she was due to go on air.

When she was at work or socialising, Andrea confessed that there were painful reminders of her struggle, whether it was a colleague bringing a baby in to visit, another being pregnant, or someone asking if she had children.

However she thinks people are now more aware of the issues surrounding sensitive questions like “when are you having children”.

When asked about advice for others facing fertility challenges, Andrea acknowledges individual experiences vary greatly, yet suggests: “There are so many different ways of making families these days. But I would say, don’t let your mind run away with itself. Try really hard to stay in the moment of what’s happening at that step. Deal with one step at a time.”

Andrea emphasised the importance of finding happiness wherever possible, stating that for her and Lee, this often came from time spent with their two miniature schnauzers: “Find joy where you can find joy… be kind to yourself, because you need to find yourself in all of this and not just be the person who is dealing with infertility. So try really hard to just say, right, we’re going to go for a weekend and escape from this for a while. We’re going to find the joy of what we’ve got at that moment because it can be all-consuming.”

Her book features insights not only from herself but also from public figures such as comedian Geoff Norcott and BBC TV sports presenter Gabby Logan, reflecting Andrea’s desire to include male perspectives on infertility.

The book launch, hosted by Andrea, will take place at Waterstones in Cardiff on Thursday, November 7, from 6.30pm to 8.30pm, with ITV’s Carl Edwards hosting a question and answer session. Tickets for the event are on sale online.