“Girl power” tells girls they can do and be anything. It’s an important message, but it overlooks the ugly truth that the world is still stacked against them. To equip girls to lead, we have to get real with them about what stands in their way.
Girls are growing up in a culture that tells them boys and men are more important. Progress on gender equality has stalled in many places around the world. In the United States, women remain underrepresented in senior leadership in almost every industry, despite earning more bachelor degrees than men for four decades.
The Equal Pay Act became law in 1963, but women – particularly women of color – are still paid less than men for similar work.
Our culture signals to girls that how they look is more important than what they’re capable of doing. Girls often face pushback when they try to lead or stand up for themselves and others.
Many girls’ confidence declines as they progress in school
It’s no wonder that a third of girls say they’re afraid to be a leader because they don’t want people to think they are bossy, and by the time they’re in high school, 46% of girls don’t think they’re smart enough for their dream career.
Girls see and feel this inequity, and ignoring it doesn’t help. Real talk does. Raising awareness of the challenges girls face can be protective and empowering.
When girls know how to identify and push back against unfair treatment, they are more likely to reframe stereotypical messages and less likely to blame themselves when they experience bias. Getting real with our girls helps give them the strength to overcome the tough spots that lie ahead.
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We need to clear a path for girls to lead. That requires remodeling our traditional understanding of leadership, which tends to reward command and control.
Girls don’t identify with this hyper-masculine view of leadership. Girls prefer a definition of leadership that includes being collaborative, listening to and supporting others and improving society. This more expansive leadership style is better for girls – and for all of us.
That is why we are launching Lean In Girls, a leadership program designed to help girls reject stereotypes about what they can’t do and, instead, embrace their leadership superpowers. We’re calling on all of us – parents, caregivers, teachers, coaches, mentors – to take action.
We need to be honest about the sexism, oversexualization, racism and other forms of discrimination girls are up against. That means exposing the biased messages and unfair systems around us. When girls are judged for how they look or what they’re wearing, it diminishes their abilities. When Black girls are penalized for speaking their minds, we need to expose the toxic combination of sexism and racism behind this response. We must stand up for our girls and push for true gender equality in schools and workplaces.
Girls are told they shouldn’t assert themselves
We need to avoid signaling that girls shouldn’t assert themselves, which research shows we often do. Ask yourself the last time you corrected a boy who spoke up or energetically took the lead in a group versus the last time you implied a girl should tone it down.
Ask yourself whether you stepped in when you heard a girl get called “bossy” or “know-it-all” for having a strong point of view – and ask yourself the last time you heard these labels applied to a boy.
We also need to celebrate when girls lead with empathy, including being good listeners or standing up for a friend.
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We need to actively challenge stereotypical gender norms in our homes and classrooms. That starts with mixing up gendered toys, chores and activities and encouraging girls to pursue stereotypical “guy things” like gaming and robotics.
It also means watching the language we use to describe people – girls can be just as brave as boys and men can be just as caring as women – and modeling the right behavior ourselves.
When women speak up and set boundaries, girls learn self-advocacy and develop courage. When men do their fair share of household work, girls learn equality and partnership.
What we say matters; what we do matters more. These steps may seem small, but they can help fundamentally shift the way girls see themselves and their future possibilities.
It has never been more important that we empower girls to lead in their own way. When girls take positive risks and learn new skills, they can feel a powerful sense of agency and accomplishment. And when girls are introduced to a more expansive definition of leadership, they’re more likely to view themselves as leaders and change agents.
The world desperately needs more talented and empathetic leaders, and it’s on us to champion this power in girls. That’s real girl power.
Sheryl Sandberg is the founder of Lean In, and Latricia Barksdale oversees Lean In Girls, a leadership program that helps girls see themselves as leaders in a world that often tells them they’re not.
