Marler is taking part in The Celebrity Traitors (Image: PA)
Few players in world rugby have embraced the physicality of the sport quite like Joe Marler, with the former England prop using his formidable size and strength to his advantage throughout his career.
From the outside, he appeared to be fit and thriving, earning 95 caps for England, finishing on the podium at two Rugby World Cups and going on tour with the British and Irish Lions, as well as making nearly 300 appearances for his club side Harlequins.
Having gained a reputation as one of rugby’s most colourful characters, thanks to a renowned sense of humour and mastery of ‘s***housery’, all seemed well in Marler’s world. However, beneath the surface, he was battling with his mental health.
The former loosehead – who is among 19 celebrities participating in the first series of The Celebrity Traitors – has openly discussed his struggles with depression and anxiety in recent years, becoming a leading mental health advocate, serving as an ambassador for CALM and fronting the Sky Sports documentary Big Boys Don’t Cry.
He has also spoken candidly about his own mental health journey in interviews and podcasts, as well as in his memoir Loose Head, where he outlines his struggles and the lessons he learnt during his rugby career, which he ended in November last year.
Our community members are treated to special offers, promotions, and adverts from us and our partners. You can check out at any time. Read our Privacy Policy
In discussing his mental health struggles, Marler has opened up about his “lowest point”, when a minor row with his wife Daisy – who was seven months pregnant at the time – caused him to suddenly spin out of control and “completely lose the plot”.
The England international admitted that he began destroying his kitchen and “turned the house over” in a violent outburst before getting in his car and driving away, “not wanting to be here anymore”, leaving Daisy in floods of tears.
Reliving the distressing 2018 incident in an interview with The Guardian, Marler described how he and Daisy had argued after she became upset that he hadn’t swerved to miss a squirrel in the road while driving back from the school run.
While it was a minor dispute, the former prop recalled how he suddenly “snapped,” explaining: “We got home and I just spiralled and lost control.
“I turned over the kitchen, punched in one of the doors. Then I got in the truck and drove off. I had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. But it was a massive turning point because it was the most ashamed I’ve ever been. I didn’t recognise who I was anymore.
“After 30 minutes I came back because I was running out on everything good in my life,” Marler continued. “Daisy was crying and I was worried she was scared, but we’ve spoken about it often since then. She says, ‘I was never scared of you. I was just upset and wondering who you were and what you were doing.’
“She had no idea even during those times when she’d said, ‘Any danger of you actually being here, when you’re here?’ I wasn’t engaging because I was stuck in this fog. I didn’t feel like I could tell her or anyone because I was in complete denial there was anything wrong with me. We didn’t speak that night.”
Following the frightening episode, Marler recognised he needed to seek professional support for his mental health. He was helped by the Harlequins team doctor, who spotted the injury to his hand the following day, leading him to break down in tears in front of his teammates.
Recalling seeing his wife crying in the wake of the argument, he said: “That was the moment I was just like I need help. So I went and got help. I went and saw a psychologist called Humphrey and I was not comfortable doing it, even with someone called Humphrey, and I got there and what an incredibly lovely bloke he was.”
After going to therapy sessions and taking antidepressants, Marler is now managing his mental health and has learnt techniques to identify warning signs and control “the red mist”.
Marler won 95 caps for England (Image: Getty)
Drawing on his experiences and using his platform as one of rugby’s biggest personalities, he has also campaigned relentlessly to challenge the stigma surrounding mental health in sport, encouraging men to engage in open and honest discussions and seek professional support.
In an interview with Men’s Health, the 35-year-old said: “There are techniques I use when I feel my red mist; sometimes they work, and other times they don’t. The biggest thing was learning to recognise when I was going to start feeling that way: knowing what triggers it and finding ways to deal with it early. And to know that there’ll always be these moments.
“My mental health is the same as my physical health. In both, you can put on weight or lose weight; you can put on muscle the same way as you can control how you want to attack the day. You can’t control what might be thrown at you. But you can control how you react to it.”
He added: “We know we have to be mentally strong and physically fit, and yet we’re still rubbing up against the fact that people don’t want to talk about their mind, even though we need to be mentally sharp to compete at the top level. There’s a disconnect.
“Work and sport and the other parts of your life are not separate: your psychology is your psychology. It’s all one thing. How can I possibly focus on using those specific psychological skills for sport if I’m suffering from depression and anxiety away from rugby?'”