Some of the items I’ve been looking at are almost funereal in colour, ranging from granite-like black which is rippled with a sparkle of quartz to a pale crumbling grey reminiscent of a gravestone where “Dear Ethel departed this world in 1877 — beloved wife of John”.
But I haven’t been looking at gravestones, not yet anyway. This week I’ve been spending hours online searching for the supposed “perfect” bathroom wall tile.
And, instead of being “perfect” for me, I’m being realistic and looking ahead to a future where the tiles and the wet room design will be something someone looks at when they view my flat after I’ve gone.
Gone in this sense meaning dead as my incurable bowel cancer hasn’t got any less real since my diagnosis in the summer of 2023.
And, with the stats showing that only 11% of people with my disease live longer than five years, there’s a strong chance that the new tiles in my wet room and toilet will last longer than I do.
A quick recap for anyone who didn’t read my piece from a few weeks ago: A water leak has caused significant damage in my home and the repair work isn’t as simple as first thought. Instead of just replacing the tiles which needed to be stripped out while two rooms were dried out all the tiles in the wet room and toilet will need replacing.
This means I have the task of having to choose new ones. And, unlike some homeowners who will spend years looking at tiles in bathroom showrooms while they save up the money to afford a refurbishment, I have to choose fairly quickly.
Choosing things quickly isn’t my forte, with it taking more than 18 months to find my flat and I always a long time to decide on what to eat in a restaurant, and this is especially true when I have to think of what someone else would like.
But I am known for being good at selecting thoughtful presents so I’m doing my best to think of it that way. What kind of present will the prospective next owners of my flat like best?
When they are absent mindedly scrolling through Zoopla while watching Bargain Hunt, what colour scheme will turn them off viewing my place and what will make them desperate to book an appointment to see it in person?
I have never been a fan of the greyish colour scheme of my kitchen, which was put in before I bought the place. But, aside from its leak issues, I always liked the look of the wet room and toilet in my flat.
The ashen grey gave it a modern feel which wouldn’t have been out of place as a hotel bathroom — albeit in a two-star rather than five-star residence.
That kind of colour scheme still seems to be the one I’m favouring when I’m looking at tile colours online.
But I’m also a fan of replacing everything and having a pale blue almost mosaic like feel for the tiles. I’m not sure whether this would be possible though as my insurance company would favour a like for like replacement rather than a fancy redesign.
It seems fitting in a way that it isn’t possible to get a like for like replacement, though it may be possible to get something which is similar.
A lot has changed in me since I moved in to my flat in 2020, including this old thing called incurable bowel cancer, and so the way I was then just isn’t the way I am now. I can be similar but I’m definitely not the same.
Trying to deal with these changes, in one’s self and in situations, is one of the toughest bits of being a cancer sufferer.
And this is why I’m leading the Cancer Care campaign at the Daily Express because it’s vital that all cancer medical teams ensure their patients have access to mental health support both during their treatment and afterwards.
Getting oncologists to realise this is essential will take a lot longer than it will take to redo my wet room but I won’t stop until it happens.
