PHOENIX –– Alex Vesia looked down, wiped his eyes, then handed a box of tissues to a nearby Dodgers staff member.
For the first time since losing his newborn daughter, Sterling Sol, last October, and subsequently missing the World Series as he and his wife, Kayla, mourned her death, the Dodgers reliever was about to discuss the tragedy publicly with reporters.
And even before he began, he was fighting through somber tears and quivering breaths.
“I was not prepared to not bring my baby girl home,” Vesia said. “But we’re carrying her with us every day.”
In his six-minute address Friday, Vesia thanked the Dodgers and the larger baseball community for the support his family felt last October and over the offseason. “The outpouring of love and support Kay and I have had over the past few months has been unmatched,” he said.
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He expressed gratitude for gestures made by the Toronto Blue Jays (who had every one of their relievers write Veisa’s No. 51 on their caps during last year’s Fall Classic) and Los Angeles Rams (who sent him a signed jersey with the name “S. Vesia” on the back), while noting that “my DMs are basically broken on Instagram from all the love and support that we’ve had.”
He described the conflicting emotions he felt while watching the World Series from afar: “Stepping away from the team, and the brothers I go to war with every day, was difficult,” he acknowledged. “But it was also an easy decision, because my family needed me.”
Then, he got most choked up while remembering the short time he and his wife had with their daughter, who died from unspecified causes on Oct. 26, shortly after being born.
“The lessons we’ve learned from this is that life can change in an instant,” Vesia said. “Ten minutes is all it took. Sterling Sol was the most beautiful girl in the world. We got to hold her, change her diaper, read to her, and love her. Our time together was far too short. Kay and I will keep those precious moments and memories to ourselves. I hope that anyone listening can empathize and respect our wishes for privacy as we continue to heal, and as we navigate the ups and downs of a baseball season.”
Friday started with a sense of normalcy for the Vesia, a six-year MLB veteran who has emerged as one of the top left-handed relievers in the majors with a 2.92 career ERA.
He was the first Dodgers pitcher to throw a bullpen session, on what was the first official day of spring training workouts for the team. He caught up with teammates and staff members in the clubhouse, where he said “being able to laugh and joke around, that’s been really nice for me.” And he sported a thick new beard and seemingly bulked-up physique, noting how his rigorous gym work over the offseason has crucially “been my mental clarity.”
Still, the painful memories of what he endured last October lingered; not only for himself, but others around the organization.
“I can’t put it into words,” manager Dave Roberts said. “I’m happy to see him. I spent some time with him yesterday. They’re doing well. I know his teammates are excited to have him back. It’s just, our hearts obviously went out to him and Kayla. You don’t wish that on anyone.”
While Roberts hoped that the return of baseball would be “therapeutic” for his high-leverage southpaw, Vesia revealed that he and his wife have sought out professional help, too, going through sessions of therapy over the last six weeks.
“It hasn’t been easy, but talking to someone has made a difference,” he said. “For those out there who have lost a child, or are fighting through any struggle, if you can take anything from this, please seek help. Talk to somebody. It’s definitely helped Kay and I. Please don’t be afraid to speak up. Your mental health matters.”
As he finished reading his statement, Vesia had to stop and compose himself with more deep breaths.
“I’ve learned that what has happened to us has also happened to so many families,” he said. “And realizing that has deepened our empathy and our gratitude for this community. The baseball community is extremely strong.”
Then, he thanked the reporters before him, turned back toward the clubhouse, and reached for a tissue to wipe away another tear.
“It’s been hard,” he said in his closing remark. “But, we’re doing OK.”