A police officer twice driven to the brink of taking his own life by the demands and traumas of being a frontline officer, has told his heart-wrenching story in a bid to help colleagues struggling with the demands of the job. PC Arnie Wilson wants to help reduce the number of police officers and staff who take their own lives, by raising awareness of the trauma they face and encouraging them to seek help if they’re struggling.
The brave officer told his story to mark World Suicide Prevention Day 2025 – and as it emerged that at least 100 police officers and staff have taken their own lives in the past three years in a growing mental health crisis. And he is advocating the STEP (Suicide Trauma Education Prevention) campaign, started by Spencer Wragg, Chair of Hampshire Police Federation, which has now been adopted around the country.
Arnie started his policing career as a PCSO in Hampshire Constabulary, before transferring to Thames Valley Police in 2018 to be a response officer.
He said: “I’d always been determined to become a police officer. When I first became a PC, it was going great and I loved the job. But about two years in, I started to struggle with carrying everyone’s trauma with me. I’m quite a compassionate guy, which made me good in terms of giving people a good service. But I would go home and think, ‘Oh my God, I hope they’re OK’.
“Then I got called to a scene where there was a dead body, and even though I’d been to worse incidents before, something seemed to click inside me. I just became empty. Seeing that much death and hurt and pain, I didn’t know how to deal with it, I didn’t know what tools were available. I just thought it was part of the job.”
Arnie described himself as a “lively, energetic guy” but admits he became withdrawn, would burst into tears unexpectedly and as his mood sank, so did his weight.
He said: “It got to the point where I took a day off because I thought, ‘I can’t face work today’, and that day off ended up being just under three months off work.”
During their careers a police officer is likely to encounter between 400 to 600 traumatic events compared with just three or four that most citizens experience in their lifetime.
Arnie added: “I thought, ‘If I can’t help other people and I can’t do my job, then what actually is the point of me?’. I’ve always thought that policing was what I was meant to do and that I should be able to fix everything, which I know now is completely unrealistic. I wasn’t thinking rationally.”
At the worst points of his depression, Arnie twice tried to end his life, but was saved both times by his then partner now wife.
He said: “I took myself to the top of a bridge with the full intention of ending it. But because I shared locations on my phone with my partner, she found me and physically grabbed me – it was the fear in her voice that brought me back.
“My wife saved me twice. I said in my wedding vows that I wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t met her. That’s a really sobering thought, because I could have prematurely ended my life and not experienced all of the positive things that I’ve experienced since.”
His partner took time off work to help nurse him back to health as he underwent transformative cognitive behavioural therapy to help him understand how chemicals in his brain were the root cause of his illness.
Arnie transferred back to Hampshire and has been promoted to the role of acting sergeant.
He said: “My colleagues trust me, and I’ve received awards for my work. I’ve got married, I’ve done all of this incredible stuff and I never would have experienced any of that had I not had the support from my wife and my counsellor. I just think to myself that there is always tomorrow. I’ve even got it tattooed on my arm: ‘This too shall pass’.
“As police we give everything to the public and leave next to nothing for ourselves. That also applies to line managers, who can become so entwined in resourcing and pressure from up above that they have no idea what morale is like on the ground.
“People see the police as a hardy job, but it doesn’t mean that you have to change who you are. You can be tough and strong, but you can also be open and compassionate.”
Officers requiring immediate help can contact the Mental Health Support line from Oscar Kilo on 0300 131 2789.
They can also access the support offered by charities and organisations including Flint House, Police Treatment Centres, The Ben Fund, and the ‘Stay Alive’ APP from Grassroots Suicide Prevention.