There are good and bad aspects to many things in life and relationships are no different.
It’s not uncommon for couples to go through the odd rough patch now and then, but there are some behaviours that are definite red flags.
Changes have been made to the law in recent years in a bid to tackle controlling and coercive behaviour in relationships, which is recognised as a form of domestic abuse.
Someone who uses violence, threats and fear to manipulate their partner to act a certain way or do things they don’t want to do is breaking the law.
The law now recognises that domestic abuse can come in several forms and is not just limited to physical violence, but psychological and emotional abuse as well. The government defines controlling or coercive behaviour as:
acts designed to make a person feel inferior and/or dependent by keeping them apart from friends, help and support – this can include taking advantage of their money and possessions, stopping their independence, and controlling what they want to do
an act of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish or frighten the victim
The Serious Crime Act 2015 introduced the criminal offence of controlling or coercive behaviour in very close or family relationships, while the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 later changed the definition of who counts as ‘personally connected’ in the 2015 Act, meaning the victim and the abuser no longer have to be ‘living together’.
It means that the offence of controlling or coercive behaviour now extends to partners, ex-partners or family members – regardless of whether they live under the same roof. This change came into effect in 2022 and anyone found guilty of such behaviour in an intimate or family relationship can receive a maximum penalty of five years in prison.
Under coercive control laws in force in England and Wales, the following 18 acts towards a partner in a relationship are illegal:
Physical violence or threats of violence
Sexual assault or abuse or threats
Controlling the victim’s daily activities and behaviour, for example controlling their time, what they wear, when they eat and sleep
Financial abuse such as taking all the victim’s money
Controlling the victim using social media and phones
Forcing the victim to do something that they don’t want to do
Threatening to give out information about the victim’s sex life
Telling lies to family members or the local community including posting photos on the social media
Stopping the victim from making friends
Using immigration status to threaten the victim
Threats of being put into care (particularly for disabled or elderly victims)
Separating the victim from family, friends and professionals who may be trying to support them
Stopping the victim communicating with others
Stopping the victim from getting health or social care
Stopping the victim from using birth control methods, or forcing them to get an abortion
Using drugs or alcohol to control a victim
Threatening to take the children away or harm them
Harming or threatening to harm or give away pets
In some cases, victims of controlling or coercive behaviour may not realise they are being abused. Some of the key warning signs to look out for include:
if they are made to follow rules
if they are not allowed to make their own decisions
if they are frightened of their partner, ex-partner or family member
if they have been a victim of physical violence or sexual assault
Police will assess if there is a pattern of abusive behaviour when they attend a call for help, meaning they will look at things like phone records, text messages and emails, social media, photos of injuries, bank and medical records.
If you need to get help you can call a domestic abuse helpline free of charge for confidential advice, 24 hours a day. If you are in immediate danger, call 999 and ask for the police. If you can’t speak and are calling on a mobile press 55 to have your call transferred to the police.
