Fifty Shades Freed
(18) Out June 18
Freed must be what Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson must be feeling now that their shackles to this clunking S&M franchise have been loosened.
The concluding part of the trilogy is about as sexy as a trip to the stationery department of a WH Smith. In Skegness.
The crux of this failure, as ever, is the character of Christian Grey. To put it bluntly, he’s a knobhead with no redeeming features. Even his wealth only succeeds in highlighting his utter charmlessness.
Dornan famously made women quiver with a mixture of fear and lust as a warped, controlling psycho in The Fall.
Trailer for 2018 movie Fifty Shades Freed starring Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson
So it’s all the more baffling how his Christian Grey is just a repellent, unappealing creep. The weight of the character’s dislikeability even seems to knock Dornan himself down a few notches on the handsome scale.
He’s just bland, utterly vanilla in a role that’s supposed to be tantalising and dangerous. You just hope the Northern Irishman is very shrewd or lucky in picking his next major role: it would be a shame if the career of someone so talented and likeable were strangled by this abysmal role.
Dakota Johnson fares a little better as Anastasia but isn’t served well by the dialogue or the plot, such as it is.
Nothing much of interest happens between the sex scenes that crop up randomly seemingly every four minutes. It all feels so… perfunctory.
The closest it gets to tension is a car chase scene involving Mr and Mrs Grey that would have benefited from a fatal crash.
He’s just bland, utterly vanilla in a role that’s supposed to be tantalising and dangerous
You feel that missed opportunity to put everyone out of their misery all the more when Christian starts singing at the piano in one scene.
It’s an awful film about an awful relationship between two awful people, and worst of all is the awful message it sends to more impressionable viewers about what sort of relationship they should aspire to.
If you want to indulge in some real sadomasochism, then tie your other half up and force them – and yourself – to sit through this turgid pile of toss.
Just remember the safeword. You’ll probably need it after ten minutes or so.
(15) Out June 18
Daniel Day-Lewis plays the cold and domineering fashion designer Reynolds Woodcock, who thinks he has neatly tailored his world to meet his every need
Daniel Day-Lewis plays obsessive and controlling fashion designer Reynolds Woodcock – the king of London haute couture in the 1950s.
This cold and domineering man thinks he has neatly tailored his world to meet his every need.
He has never married but his equally frosty sister Cyril organises his world.
The film begins with him dumping his current muse who dares to speak to him at breakfast.
Daniel Day-Lewis stars in Paul Thomas Anderson’s Phantom Thread
In her place he picks up Alma (Vicky Krieps), a waitress at a seaside hotel. She is a little bemused to be taken back to his place only to be told in great detail about his dead mother then measured up for a dress, with Cyril taking down the measurements.
Alma is moved to his London home where legions of dressmakers fawn to Reynolds’ commands.
She is meant to be another malleable female.
But she is made of sterner stuff than Reynolds thinks.