Forget sewing and whittling wood, this week the Girl Guides launched 72 new badges to appeal to the yoof of today. The little do-gooders can now earn acclaim for “personal style”, “calm spaces” and “guiding sparkle”. It’s a far cry from the no-nonsense badges of yesteryear like house surveying and cobbling.
Now, it’s all about mindfulness and manifestation. Proof, if it were needed, that the woo-woo wellness industry has well and truly realigned the nation’s chakras, whether we like it or not. Meanwhile, the old-fashioned “hostess” badge – once earned by throwing a tea party – has been gender-neutralised, and renamed “celebrations”. Odd for an organisation where gender is, y’know, the whole point. Girl Power. Sisters doing it for themselves, etc. It’s the latest revamp in the organisation’s 116-year history, and came from the girls themselves who helped design the range.
Judging by the new additions, it seems they are very much the “Live, Laugh, Love” generation. An improvement from my own, I suppose. In my day, the greatest achievement was opening a beer bottle with your teeth.
But I can’t help being slightly suspicious. The four guiding groups – ranging from the youngest Rainbows, through to Brownies, Guides and teenage Rangers – can now earn badges for dancing, giggling, hobbies and friendship. The stuff they’d be doing anyway.
Where’s the challenge? It’s like getting a gold star for blinking. Surely to earn a badge you should show true grit, and do something outside your comfort zone. A proper test like grouting a bathroom or filing a tax return or scraping the gunk off kitchen cabinets. “Be prepared”, as the motto goes, for a lifetime of doing things you don’t really want to do but have to.
Then again, who am I to judge? I did tap and jazz classes as a kid. Drop me in the middle of a field and I wouldn’t be able to read a map, but I could knock out a triple time step routine and name all the cats in Cats. Skills I am yet to apply as an adult.
Still, if girls are rewarded just for being girls, maybe it’s time for a grown-up version as a way for women to be recognised for getting on with things. We could have the Nightbussers aged 18-30, earning their “mascara” badge for expertly applying eye make up on the go.
Then the Mortgagers, with a “plonk” badge for industrial-scale white wine consumption, and “loyalty” for doing an entire big shop on points. Then the Menopausals with badges for “mood swing survival”, which technically should be awarded to family members, but no one dares say it. Dib dib dib.