The Eu Isn’t Hindering Brexit, The Pm Is — It’s Time For Anyone But Theresa May


CAN you think of anyone who would do a worse job of shepherding this country towards Brexit than Theresa May?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while. So far all I’ve come up with is Iggle Piggle, from TV’s In The Night Garden.

AFP or licensors Can you think of anyone who would do a worse job of shepherding this country towards Brexit than Theresa May?

I think negotiating Brexit would be a stretch for the friendly blue woollen creature with the red Mohawk.

But maybe I’ve got him wrong, underestimated his abilities. He has a bell in his left foot. Theresa May seems to have a brain in her left foot. Given the choice, maybe I’d take the kid with the bell.

We are in chaos. Not because we voted for Brexit, far from it. The economy is doing well. The sky has not fallen in. Investment up, employment hitting record levels, inflation down.

Getty – Contributor Theresa May is tip-toeing between the two sides of the Brexit debate solely to stay in power

No, the problem is solely a consequence of our Government. Right now we don’t know exactly what deals have been done with the rump of Remainers within the Conservative Party.

One moment we’re told the Prime Minister has caved in to their demands. Next minute she hasn’t. Nobody knows quite what to believe.

She is tip-toeing between the two sides solely to stay in power. And she has to be told: It isn’t working. It sends out a message to the people we are negotiating with that we haven’t a clue what’s going on.

That policy is formulated on the hoof. In fact, it’s not policy at all, just inept fire-fighting. Inept because the flames are spreading — and as a result, our negotiating position becomes weaker by the hour.

PA:Press Association Anyone but Theresa May could do a better job at handling Brexit, including Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson

Some will argue May can only play the cards she has been dealt. That she has a minority Government and a split in her own party.

Well, sure. But then, to a considerable degree, she dealt the cards herself. She called an election a year ago expecting to get a huge majority.

I could have told her she would lose, if she’d asked. But she didn’t ask me, she asked some other numbnuts instead. This holy mess is of her making.

Britain voted to leave the EU. Not to stay in bits of it. Not to remain constrained by the EU’s regulations. The Remainers don’t like that?

Reuters Michael Gove would negotiate Brexit better than the hapless PM

Don’t care. You lost the argument — so shut up for a while. Or work to get us the best deal we can, outside the customs union.

We need to be clear to the EU negotiators that we will happily take a no deal Brexit. They don’t want that — and a tough line will make them respond. If it doesn’t — fine, no deal is still much better than a bad deal.

The EU is falling apart, largely for the reasons that convinced us to leave. Bullying, dictatorial, corrupt, undemocratic.

We need a leader who can exploit their manifest weaknesses. A lot — perhaps a majority — of European people are on our side.

Theresa May vows she WON’T let rebels overturn the EU Brexit referendum result

That leader isn’t Theresa May. It needs to be someone within the Tories who is A. a Leave voter and B. has a bit of charisma and nous.

I don’t really care who, right now, David Davis, Boris Johnson, Priti Patel, Michael Gove. But ABM — Anyone But May.

It is not the EU that is hampering our exit strategy. It is our own Govern­ment. It’s time for Theresa to say: “That’s it: I’m out.”

Running start

HUGE congratulations to Americans Terry Miller and Andraya Yearwood.

They zipped through the field in the 100m sprint for girls in a recent schools tournament in Connecticut. Terry also broke the state record for fastest time.

Now, quiz fans, here’s a question for you. What do Terry and Andraya possess that may have helped them come first and second?

Jet-powered roller skates? Performance- enhancing drugs? Nope.

They were both born with male bodies. And they both competed as boys until very recently.

But according to the growing trend, they are now able to identify as girls without question. And so are allowed to compete against girls.

And that’s what happens. They win because of biology.

The latest flash-ion?

Splash News Meghan turned up for a royal engagement with her shoulders uncovered and many people thought this was ‘inappropriate’

SHOULD the Royal Family be allowed to get their baps out? An important constitutional point.

Meghan turned up for a royal engagement with her shoulders uncovered. And many people thought this was “inappropriate”. Only a matter of time before the female royals start trying to outdo each other.

Kate in a glittery boob tube and Princess Anne in a leather basque with split-crotch undies.

Bring it on.

Shriver getting it write

Getty – Contributor Lionel Shriver has been sacked as judge of a short story competition because she objected to publishers having quotas to ‘reflect diversity’

THE brilliant writer Lionel Shriver has been sacked as judge of a short story competition.

This is because she objected to publishers having quotas that are supposed to “reflect diversity”.

She said: “If an agent submits a manuscript written by a gay, ­trans- gender Caribbean who dropped out of school at seven and powers around town on a mobility scooter, it will be published.

Whether or not . . . it is an incoherent, tedious, meandering and insensible pile of mixed- paper recycling.”

The magazine that runs the competition sacked her for this.

It said her comments were “not consistent” with its ethos.

What it means is it disagrees with her.

Freedom of speech, huh. Well done, Shriver.

Summit to talk about

IN Cretins Corner this week are the libtards criticising President Trump for his attempts to make peace with North Korea.

Six months ago these same people were screaming that Trump was leading us all to death and destruction by threatening Kim Jong-un.

Now he’s accused of cosying up to a horrible dictator.

Truth is, he’s played it brilliantly. Acting tough brought the porky dog-muncher to the negotiating table.

And now we have at least a chance of peace in the world’s second most dangerous area (after the Middle East, natch).

Barack Obama was bunged a Nobel Peace Prize for, essentially, doing nothing, by the liberals who run the awards.

How about one for The Donald for actually achieving something?

Do your job, Mr Mayor

Alamy Live News Listen Sadiq, build a few more homes in the capital and stop young ethnic minority people killing each other

IS Sadiq Khan going mad?

The Mayor of London has demanded that Wikipedia must “close the gender gap” on its entries. Just 17 per cent of biographies on Wiki are about women, apparently.

What’s it got to do with you, you bumptious midget?

As someone cleverly tweeted, just zero per cent of Imams at Britain’s mosques are female – perhaps they should close the gender gap a little too.

Listen Sadiq, just build a few more homes in the capital and stop young ethnic minority people macheteing or machine gunning each other to death.

When you’ve sorted that out, mate, then maybe you can start worrying about American online publications.

Princely sum

IT’S just been revealed that Prince Edward spent £6,000 on a private plane to take him 130 miles to a church service in Tamworth, Staffs.

I don’t think a private plane is quite enough for Ed’s dignity. He should have been carried on a golden litter pulled by a team of unicorns.

Listen, mate. That’s our money you’re spending. He could have done that trip for sixty quid on the train.

And we’d have thrown in a fiver for a packet of cashews and some Red Bull.

Viz-ibly thicker

APPARENTLY, young people are getting thicker.

Their average IQ is declining year on year.

If you follow the graph to its natural conclusion, by about 2028 they will have an IQ of zero.

They’ll be like the Viz character Jellyhead, who had lime jelly between her ears and just lay on the floor all day.

They’re already about the level of another Viz character, Terry F***witt. And we are thinking of extending the vote to them . .

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