Broadcaster Rachael Bland’s poignant final recording has been released.
The final episode of the You, Me And The Big C podcast hears Bland talking about her young son Freddie.
Bland, who died of cancer aged 40 earlier this month, said: ‘I want to spend valuable time with him – whatever time I have left – I want it to be good time.’
Rachael passed away on Wednesday 5 September after a two-year battle with cancer
Rachael (left) with her podcast co-hosts Lauren Mahon (centre) and Deborah James (right)
Rachael had left plans for her family and had previously spoken of how she had wrapped 18 years worth of presents for her son Freddie (centre)
In a touching moment with co-presenters Deborah James and Lauren Mahon, Rachael talks about coping with her ‘new normal’.
Speaking of her three-year-old son Freddie, Bland described how she had dealt with the illness.
‘The way I deal with it is by not thinking about it too deeply. I know I’m probably not going to be living for much longer but I don’t think about it too deeply because I wouldn’t be able to look at Freddie without weeping all over him.’
Discussing the new normal, Rachael said: ‘For me it had meant I would never have that innocent life again. You are going to be going to hospital for the rest of your life.
‘It makes me sad that when Steve and I met we used to have these sweet little conversations about when we grow old we will sit there, we will be 70-years-old sat on a bench by the coast eating our fish and chips together and that was something that was always there to look forward to, and the new normal kind of took that away.
‘And you weren’t able to have those conversations and those innocent thoughts and look that far into the future.
Rachael (centre, with husband Steve right and son Freddie left) had also built up a collection of handwritten notebooks and perfume so her son grows up knowing how his mum wrote and smelled
‘I would say I was living in my head a bit, in the future of maybe I will get to do this and maybe I’ll do that with my career and we will do this with Freddie, and when we have another child we will do that.
‘But it was always like forward planning, my future planning head and on the day to day stuff I wouldn’t be living it as well, I would sweat the small stuff and I’d be bothered by money, whether Freddie was developing in the right way, whether work was going well.
‘I guess one of the few positives you can take from it is that I don’t worry about that any more, I don’t sweat the small stuff.’
Rachael (left) had documented her illness through a blog and a podcast, in her last podcast she said she wanted ‘valuable time with Freddie (right)
Also speaking about the changes your mind and body goes through during the illness Rachael said: ‘When I get scared is when I get a new type of pain that I have not felt before, this is not a familiar pain, this is not a headache I have felt before or a nerve pain I have had before and that’s what makes me suspicious, because if I have not had the pain before it is probably something related to the cancer.’
Rachael died on Wednesday 5 September after a two-year battle with cancer.
The BBC Radio 5 Live presenter passed away surrounded by her family, five months after learning her cancer was incurable.
Rachael had previously said that she had struggled to finish a memoir she was writing for her son Freddie
Rachael had previously spoken about her final plans for her family and had spoken of how she had wrapped 18 years worth of birthday presents for Freddie, but was struggling to finish a memoir written just for him.
She had also built up a collection of handwritten notebooks, perfume and other personal items so the little boy grows up knowing how his mummy wrote, smelled and sounded.
In order to not upset her husband Steve, she had also set up a WhatsApp group with his sister detailing her wishes for their little boy as he grows up including not cutting his hair too short and ensuring he helps choose his school.
Rachael and her co-hosts (pictured above) were open and honest about their experiences with cancer during the podcast