‘Making love wasn’t making us happy’: Meet the couples who NEVER have sex but say they’re still in love


IT’S been three years since they last had sex, but Jacob and Charlotte don’t think that’s a sign their relationship is in trouble.

In fact the couple, who have been together for four years, say they love each other more than ever and are have no interest in getting back into the swing of things any time soon.

Jacob and Charlotte haven’t had sex for three years, but don’t see any problem with that

The 23-year-olds are among a growing number of young couples who say they are happy to be in a sexless relationship and don’t see any problem with it.

In fact, it emerged today that as many as 18 per cent of people under 30 – almost one in five – have had sex fewer than ten times in the past year.

“We’re very much in love,” Jacob tells the BBC. “But it’s no longer part of our relationship.”

While Jacob doesn’t have anything against sex, his partner Charlotte is asexual – meaning it’s of no interest to her whatsoever.

The couple told the BBC that they no longer sleep with each other because Charlotte is asexual

‘Sex didn’t work for us’

Charlotte and Jacob tried having sex for the first six months of their relationship, but nothing worked for them both.

“It really wasn’t making either of us happy,” she says.

“Jacob doesn’t want to be having sex with someone who doesn’t want to be having sex.

“It’s really sad how some people prioritise sex over happiness.”

The sex poll which revealed just how common sexless relationships are was conducted by Mumsnet and Gransnet, who asked 2,000 people about their bedroom habits.

Among all age groups, the poll found a staggering 29 per cent of Brits are living in sexless or nearly sexless relationships.

Amanda and Steve hardly ever have sex because they are too tired from being parents and from work

‘We’re always too tired thanks to our son’

For some, like Charlotte, this is because one partner isn’t interested in sex at all, but in other cases both people just can’t be bothered to go through the motions of having sex for the sake of it.

Amanda and Steve, both 35, have been married for five and a half years, and only have sex once every six weeks on average.

The reason? They have a 22-month-old son, Elliot, who keeps them exhausted and has effectively torpedoed their libido.

“The lack of sex life at the minute is down to me,” Amanda explains on this morning’s Victoria Derbyshire Show.

“I’m just so tired all the time because my job is full on, and then it’s full on at home.”

“And daytime sex is harder to come by,” Steve says. “Morning sex, afternoon sex – with a kid around, that’s not happening.

“Even if you put him down for a nap for two hours, you’re just kind of like, ‘I should probably do other stuff or catch up on some sleep.’”

The lack of daytime sex has made it harder for the couple to keep up the habit

‘We had a great one-night stand without having sex’

Sex therapist Dr Martin Burrow, of Relate, agrees that sex isn’t everything.

“You can have a successful relationship whether there is sex in it or not. Some people don’t need to have sex to be happy – some people do.”

However, he says it’s possible that sex is becoming less popular compared to just ten years ago.

“We certainly seem to be seeing more people reporting that they are dissatisfied with their relationships,” he says.

“Whether that’s a cultural shift in people being more comfortable to talk about sex or whether people are having less sex, I’m not sure.”

Sex therapist Dr Martin Burrow says more people are reporting that they are less satisfied with their relationships

For Steve and Thom, from Bristol, sex was never on the cards.

The pair are both asexual, and joke that their first date – when they ended up sleeping next to one another – was the best one-night stand they’ve ever had where nothing happened.

Four years later, and having got married last year, the couple have still never had sex, and they like it that way… although the appeal of their relationship isn’t clear to everyone.

“We get some very unusual reactions,” Steve says. “People say: ‘You’re just like any other normal couple’. Well, I thought that’s what we were. But evidently not.”

Steve and Thom are both asexual… so they’ve never had sex in their four years together

Ultimately, there is no “normal” amount of sex to have, and happy relationships can exist without getting physical.

And for Jacob and his asexual girlfriend Charlotte, the lack of sex couldn’t be less important.

“It wasn’t a deal breaker,” Jacob says. “I have a fantastic relationship with a wonderful person, and it wasn’t even slightly comparable in terms of what was important to me.”

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