Banter has been the downfall of many a man, and this week it was the turn of health minister Andrew Gwynne who was given the heave-ho after a series of very fruity WhatsApp messages surfaced. Gwynne let rip in a ‘private’ chat group called Trigger Me Timbers, consisting of around 20 apparently like-minded Labour councillors, activists, officials, and fellow MP Oliver Ryan, and boy did he blow.
Set up by the man himself in 2019, the title implies that it was intended to be a ‘safe space’ to exchange top-quality bantz, unshackled from the burden of liberal lefty political correctness. A virtual locker room where cultural sensitivities are drop-kicked out the window.
Indeed, there is seemingly no category of human being who doesn’t get Gwynne’s misanthropic goat. And the Gorton and Denton MP of 20 years fully exercised his freedom of speech taking aim at Jews, gay people, cyclists, black MPs, female MPs – even the local lollypop man managed to wander into Gwynne’s cross-hairs.
For those that missed the drama, some lowlights include calling for the early death of a 74-year-old constituent who had the audacity to ask him about bin collections, and a quip about someone’s name sounding “too Jewish”.
Intriguingly, the messages are all at least three years old, which begs the question – who exactly did Gwynne anger? And how? Are we witnessing the opening shots of a brutal mafia-style tit-for-tat WhatsApp war?
Westminster, I am reliably informed, could not function without the thousands of communications exchanged on the messaging service every day. That’s a lot of loose talk… All it takes is one bad joke, a disgruntled parliamentary aide, a quick screenshot, and you’re a goner.
Following this week’s revelations, I imagine MPs across the backbenches are frantically deleting anything remotely subversive for fear of being next on the cancel culture chopping block.
With that in mind, there is no harm in stating the bleedin’ obvious, so here is my foolproof guide for avoiding a publicly shaming and inevitable banishment.
If you are a misogynistic, racist, antisemite – try not to be a misogynistic, racist, antisemitic.
If that is too challenging for you, then I would strongly advise steering clear of politics or any kind of public-facing role. In fact, just avoid working with or near people altogether.
Count puffins in the Hebrides or something – public service is clearly not suited to you.
