The festive period represents a moment for family gatherings, but Christmas can prove challenging for those facing terminal illness. Carol Telfer, a hospice chaplain at Marie Curie – Britain’s leading end-of-life charity – assists patients and their relatives during their final stages.
Carol has revealed how she and the hospice staff transform Christmas into a meaningful and uplifting experience for patients.
She explained: “At the hospice, we’ve celebrated Christmas in July before because a patient was sad that they wouldn’t be there in December to celebrate with their family. We decorated their room with Christmas trees, put up lights and arranged for our hospice chef to cook a Christmas dinner with all the trimmings.
“We’ve also seen families have wrapped presents for their loved ones and brought them in throughout the year. One particular patient’s last wish was to have a Christmas pudding. He knew that he wasn’t going to be here, so requested it as a last treat, and our catering staff arranged that for him.”
Creating festive moments
Carol said: “We encourage making special memories for people’s last Christmas, so the hospice goes all out with decorations and there are lots of visits during the month of December to provide entertainment for patients and help spread some Christmas cheer. We have bands playing festive songs in the ward and they take on requests for people’s favourite carols. We also have various choirs come in and sing for the patients near their rooms if they’d like.
“There are lots of sweet treats and mince pies on the ward and we also have Father Christmas visit on Christmas Day. All the patients receive a small gift as a token from the hospice, to make the day feel special.
“I have a stash of Christmas cards in my cupboard in case someone wants to send a card to a loved one ahead of time, knowing they won’t be there. A lot of people don’t want to face it because it’s so hard to do, but I try telling them not to leave it too late if it’s important to them to write those heartfelt messages.”
Honouring family traditions
Carol said: “It’s hard for families to acknowledge that it’s the last Christmas with a loved one and we know that it’s the little things that make this time of year feel special. I think it’s important first and foremost to allow people quality time with their loved ones.
“We allow people to bring in decorations and special items that are familiar to the person and I encourage families to continue their traditions – if opening a present on Christmas Eve is something that they’ve done for the last 30 years, then they can absolutely still do that at the hospice.”
Advising families on what gifts to buy for loved ones who are dying
Carol explained: “One of the challenges that families face over the Christmas period, is knowing what to buy for a loved one as a gift. It’s a big dilemma for families, as many people worry it’s insensitive, or that the terminally ill person won’t get wear out of a jumper or slippers, for example. But I always say, if you think it’ll bring your loved one pleasure, even for just a few weeks or days, then what does it matter?
“I often advise on alternative Christmas presents too, like something the patient can display in their room, such as having a family photograph taken and framing it, or getting their grandchildren to craft something personal. In the past, if the patient has been able to, we have created experiences for them as a gift, like an afternoon tea that they can enjoy on the ward with their loved ones.”
Marie Curie delivers specialist, hands-on 24-hour care in people’s homes and in its hospices nationwide, including during the Christmas period. The charity’s complimentary Support Line – 0800 090 2309 – and online chat service remains open throughout the festive season and is accessible to anyone facing a life-limiting illness and their families.
To discover more about supporting the Marie Curie Christmas Appeal and providing care, comfort and joy this Christmas, visit mariecurie.org.uk/christmas
